I stretched, throwing my hands into the air with reckless abandon, I retracted one of them to rub my belly. My sweet belly which stood pot-like instead of the normal 6-packs. It was as round as a ball; a very hairy ball. I scratched on it, delaying a little bit on my navel before proceeding to my groin area. I was met with a heavy resistance, my instrument making my boxers look undersize. Choi, I smiled to myself as I remembered the song I had downloaded from notjustok.com. Eriga had said, ”u no nid energy to make ur preek stand”, how right he was.
My drowsy eyes scanned my room and the discovery made the early morning sleep to run from it. Clothes were scattered here and there, plastic plates of unfinished meals dotted the ground while the rug looked aged with dust. I mused, if mama knows that this is the path I had taken, then I will be in for a long preaching.
I lazily walked round the room collecting my dirty clothes and heaping them in a corner while I used my leg to kick the plates outside which upon landing, I heard the happy cackling of hens as they struggled for the reminant of whatever had been inside the plate.
”Come, outside here no be your dustbin o, see as you just throw rubbish drop for dormot”
Ekaite retorted.
Ah, I quickly walked outside my one room, stopping close to the door to gaze at my face on the mirror hunged on the wall. I had bought it from one of the mallams riding bicycle and selling mirrors. Sometimes I wonder if the mirrors will fetch them profit, considering the number of wives they keep in the house.
I adjusted my fineboy face in the mirror, cleaning the oil that had formed on my pointed nose and the dried up mucus in my eyes, fixed a perfect smile on my face and winked at the image staring back at me. The going was good. I strolled outside into the morning sun that had already made its way to my dormot, the erected zinc’s shadow casted in another direction.
”Ekaite baby, why you dey vex na, na morning be this o and na you sef I just see for my dream as I dey wake up”
I said having patted her on the chin. She was sitted on a low stool washing her clothes which constituted mainly of small small materials that could barely cover the body, but it was the reigning fashion. The water in which she was washing foamy, her hand invisible underneath it. Without raising her head to look at me, she spoke.
”Come, you think say I be one of the girls wey you dey colombi, me I get high class o, all this your talk no dey enter my head. My own na money for hand, back for….”
Like I wanted anything from her. Since I moved into the compound, she had always made passes at me, but I played it cool. Who would want a Ronaldinho for a babe, definately not me. I would not want to kiss someone and the next moment be asked if Myke Tyson was my neighbour, or I snatched Klitchiko’s girlfriend. I had an idea, like I always did.
”Ehm, Ekai-baby… This one wey you dey wash, help me na. You know say you dey like my sister and our love na right from our mama womb neh”
I flowed poetically, playing with her long hair which to me is her only attribute.
”If person no know you, na to just fall for you get am. Oya wetin you go give me”
I had prepared for this because I had done it countless times, I just went down in a squatting position and place a peck on her fore-head (ewwww), held her pimpled face, avoided her teeth and looked into her albinoish-cat eyes.
”You know say your beauty no get part 2 and anybody wey no value am go face me. I value you pass the food wey I dey chop (big lie, my stomach for flat na) and na for your eyes I go dey swim everyday (if I hear, make I bleach pass hypo?).”
She brought her head down and blushed, even her hands turn bright red. I just stood above her dancing alingo in my mind.
”Oya bring the clothes make I help you wash, leave your door open when you dey comot make I help arrange your room”
She said silently, almost inaudibly. I had jumped into the room and jumped back with the clothes. Dropping it by her side, I added:
”Wetin I go do without you, Ekai-baby, na you dey make my heart ring aloud like rose (if na wetin Davido talk be dat)”
I entered back into the room and returned with a bucket full of water which is always kept aside the room each night to avoid looking for water each night and made my way slowly down to the bathroom with a towel round my neck and my boxers bellowing in the wind while my pot belly bounced slightly.
Living the good life, I say to myself.
Welcome to my world… Attai, The Player from Kano.
I took my shower that morning with my head sailing in the clouds while the water splashed playfully on my skin. My mind filled with the number of things I planned to do. Nothing is going to stop me from making sure I get that fine girl that sells recharge card across the street as I had already prepared the words to say to her.
After using the last drop of water, I dried my skin and proceeded to stroll back, this time making sure I walked softly on the ground in order not to raise unwanted sand to my body. I scanned the compound this time with my eyes taking note of the number of doors locked. In fact, all the doors were locked and the only one looking open is Ekaite’s and mine. Two jobless people. Can’t say I am jobless because I had something doing which cannot be termed legal but as everybody believed, I am a fine yellow boy whose brother resides in the state.
The compound is cemented all round and kept clean by the ladies who takes turn in sweeping it. Made up of twelve rooms facing each other, it was a mini barrack as everybody in it try to outdo each other with loud music and I pass my neighbour generator. The gate to the main compound is already falling off and I keep wondering why no one has cared to burgle us though I know the burglar is going to have a tough time burgling.
“Ekaite baby, na you dey try pass o”
I hailed her as I passed by while she answered by nodding her head and immediately broke into one Calabar song.
“Abasi, ayaya o, ayaya…”
I did not bother to listen to the remaining words before banging my door shut to shut out the ugly voice, cleaning my ear in the process. Some people should hum songs instead of singing out loud because their voice can cause lots of undiscovered ear infections.
I came out looking good and smelling fine that Ekaite could hardly take her eyes off me as I pocketed my key and bid her bye before bouncing out of the compound feeling her eyes bore through my back. I proceeded to walk the shades out of the sun which was already becoming hot so that my skin will still have its fair glow when I get to my destination.
I veered off the main road into a dusty path that leads to rows of uncompleted building. This road goes on until it disappears into undeveloped land which stretches so far that the eye cannot see the end of it. I checked my wrist watch and discovered I was already running late. 8:03am and I had planned to leave the house early. I cursed under my breath for allowing Ekaite take my precious time, though I reaped the dividend of it. I will be returning to clean clothes and a well swept room. I smiled, shook my head and increased the pace at which I walked but being careful not to raise dust.
“Psst, psst”
I’m in the heart of “the jungle” and it is normal to hear this sound. I turned round and realized it was Godwin calling me. I stopped in my track while he jogged to catch up with me.
“Attai how far na, this one wey you just enter jungle early this morning, abi you no go go hustle again”
He said as we shook hands.
“O boy, you know say na me be hustling king, nothing fit change am. Abeg you get pencil there make I write my name small before I look for biro to take sign am”
I asked him as he dipped his hand into his pocket to produce a pack of White London, opening it and offering me one. I took it and requested for “strike” which he also gave to me. Lighting the cigarette, I took a long drag and allowed the air to fill my lungs before exhaling it in a long jet. It calmed my nerve a little bit as we both strolled to the farthest building while I puffed on my stick of white London.
“Guy, wrap on biro sharpaly abeg, I no too get time and my oga go don start to dey look for me”
I said. This prompted him to bring a black leather from his pocket, opened it and looked at me.
“Guy, you get rizler? The one wey I get na the wrapping paper and you know say e too thick and no dey too sweet to wrap weed”
I produced one from my wallet and watched him as he wrapped it, removing the sticks and seed carefully from the weed and then added a little “ermo” to control the smell of the weed. Legend has it that the seed and stick will cause a lot of headache when smoked with the leaves.
Having wrapped it, he lighted it, took a drag and passed it over to me which I collected quickly having disposed of the stick of cigarette I was smoking. I dragged it, toying with the smoke in my mouth before releasing it. I rushed the weed and quickly stood up to go after receiving a call from my oga asking of my where about. I was already feeling high, my head lighter and my body feeling like feather.
I made my way back to the main road, looked left and right, crossed over to the other side and strolled up the road before flagging down a bike, hopped on and told the bike man, Mararaba.
“Oga, na how much you go pay because I no want make we reach then you go begin bring up story because I no go hear o”
The bike man said as he put the bike on gear. I detected his accent, and using it to my advantage replied him:
“Haba Northerner na, you know say me and you na from the same place, why you wan fall my hands na, I be Kano pikin o”
The man laughed out loudly.
“Kai, me ma na from Kano na, anything wey you get, just pay”
I smiled satisfactorily as he took me to Orange Market where I load buses going to the far north and once in a while accompany any of the driver who is ready to pay me enough money. My life, my way, I do my business the way I want.
“Wanne irin iskanci ne wanna, yanzu ne safe ya zo a gidan ka” (What kind of behaviour is this, is it now that the day broke in your house)
My boss queried me.
“Haba mai gida na, ka san wai gida na da nisa” (Its not that oga, you know my house is far)
I replied him before walking to the changing room. Not exactly a changing room, but a shack where clothes are kept. I quickly pulled my fineboy clothings and replaced it with the usual clothes I wear, put a face cap on my head and used a big black shade to cover my eyes. I also used a black artificial beard to cover below my nose with a goatie on my chin. I came out looking different and like every other tout under the bridge in mararaba and orange market.
“Ka shiria kenan ko, kai, amma kai dan iska ne, idan mutum bai san ka zai gan Kaman kai dan Arrabiya ne” (You are now ready, but you are truly a jackass, if someone doesn’t know you, he might mistake you for an arab)
I laughed.
“Haba oga, a yan lemo kuma, mai zai kawo dan turawa nan” (That’s mischievous, not in orange market, what’s going to bringan Arab man here)
I replied him.
“Manta da lamarin nan, nemo mun customomi, za mu je Kaduna yau kuma zaka raka ni, Adamu bashi da lafiya” (forget that talk, just get me customers because we are headed for Kaduna and you will accompany me, Adamu (his conductor) is sick).
I just twirled round and using a voice more baritone than mine, started screaming:
“Kadunaaaaa buuuuussssssss, Kaduna busssssss”
Soon the whole car became full and the journey to Kaduna progressed with me entertaining both the Hausa men and other tribes going to Kaduna with jokes. We made it to Tudun Wada, reloaded and came back to Abuja that same day. I was really tired at the end of the whole journey that I mechanically went to the “gidan wanka” located at orange market, paid N50, collected soap and jumped into the toilet to offload my system, after which I switched to the bathroom to take my bath. My mind replaying the incidence of that day and musing over the fact that I still hadn’t close for the day.
I changed into my normal clothes and boarded a bus this time going to my destination instead of the normal bike which is by the way costlier than the bus. Getting to the bus-stop, instead of walking straight home, I took the same dusty path that led to the uncompleted building, got to a door which I opened and entered into it. Inside the room is a table which I shifted to the extreme end of the room, climbed on and took a brown envelope which was tucked in between a broken block on the ceiling. I came down, made my way to the door, peeped left and right and then came out locking the door behind me.
I got to the gate of the house sooner than expected, went into the compound and matched straight to Ekaite’s room, knocked on her door and retrieve my keys from her. I opened my door and was welcomed by an inviting aroma. Ekaite had cooked and kept it in the room awaiting my return. Without thinking twice, I pounced on the food, divulged it and laid back to sleep.
The alarm on my phone rang at exactly 8:30pm waking me up. The time has come to complete my business for the day.
WATCH OUT FOR PART 2 TOMORROW
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